A Pause

I want to take a post to really pause and reflect about my impending nuptials. In recent weeks I have had days where my nerves get to me and I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I’m young, according to some too young to get married. I’m 23 and tantalizingly close to the finish line for my undergrad. I have lived on my own and I live with Mr. Tal now, I have dated, I have had previous serious relationships, well at least one, I have traveled from a very young age, but I know there are many things I have yet to do and want to do. I want to go to Europe and Africa, I want to get a job that has something to do with my degree, I want to have an income with some breathing room, I want to buy a house and a car, there are too many things to really list. I do realize that just because I get married does not mean I can’t do all those things; it’s a great growing process for Mr. Tal and myself but it’s these things that cause me to pause.

Yesterday was one of those days in which I started to pause; the ring on my finger felt like a weight and my impending marriage loomed in the coming months as an apocalypse. This does not happen frequently, but it does happen, I start to see my “single” days as numbered and somehow it becomes a bad thing. It’s mainly comments that spur these days, like in my classroom yesterday when students talked about how couples that co-habitat before marriage have higher divorce rates (why is this by the way?). That sent me into a tizzy, mostly because Mr. Tal and I don’t believe in divorce; our theory is that if you were in love enough to make the commitment of marriage, you can work it out (there are exceptions to this theory, but I don’t expect those exceptions to occur in our marriage). So fully believing that I have no “out” from this marriage really makes me pause and appreciate the gravity of what I am about to do. I am committing myself to one man for my entire life; do I really want to do this? To never again experience the thrilling life of a single gal? I know in my heart that I do want to spend my life with Mr. Tal and that I detested being single and dating. However, my head is telling me to be rational and think about it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with thinking and having moments of doubt.

Marriage is serious business and very hard, it takes a lot of work and commitment, and this is the rest of our lives we’re talking about. I think entering into a marriage without any pause or moments of doubt is a mistake. This is only my opinion here, but I think it’s natural to think these things and allow yourself to have the occasional freak out. Entering into a marriage without the slightest thought, worry, or doubt seems a little irresponsible to me. Perhaps too few people really actually think these things and that’s why the divorce rate is so high (only speculating!), but who really knows.

Eventually I did talk myself down off the doubt ledge, I reassured myself and Mr. Tal is the one for me and our marriage will work. We have the drive, determination, and the communication to work through any problem that challenges us. I think our mindset also helps as well. I'll step down from my little soapbox now and I’ll resume the flashback series soon.

Any readers have those moments of pause? I’d love to know I’m not alone!

Tune in next time for more tales from a DIY Bride.